What makes conflict especially difficult is when it becomes a cycle. One person says or does something, an action, that triggers another person to say or do something in response, a reaction. The reaction then triggers the initial person to say or do something else which then starts a cycle that repeats and deepens the conflict.
You don’t need to be a psychologist, but success in the free world requires that you know how to read, treat, and work with people. You will be most successful by making people feel valued and respected. When you show that you care about people, they become better versions of themselves, give more effort, and achieve more. They will also pay it forward if not directly return the favor to you.
If you are a “just get it done” person who focuses on what needs to get done today, you might be thinking “focusing on today is just my personality and who I am.” Or “I just like to check things off of my to-do list.”
Why then do people in positions of influence focus on the “what is” instead of the “what does” when first attempting to gain buy-in for something? In other words, why do people talk about solutions instead of the problems their solutions solve or the opportunities their solutions leverage?
When people are on a stage, or asked to speak, their brains immediately sense danger and they start to react. Some people sweat. Some blush. Others tremble, lose access to their memory, or feel sick in their stomach. Some actually get sick. However, there is hope. In fact, there is great news. Our brain isn’t limited to automatic thinking and responses. There is another much bigger and more powerful part of our brain called our pre-frontal cortex located in our forehead. This is the part of the brain we control.
